Agent Salt - Nico and Beni do Uyuni

From the jungle we journeyed south to Bolivia's most famous natural landscape - the Salt Flats of Uyuni - via the silver mining town Potosi. Dressed up head to toe in miner gear, we tasted the miners' 196 proof liquor before descending down four levels into a still-active mine. To get the full experience, we helped a few out with their shovelling and offered some coca leaves to the devil-god Tio, a macho stone figure with a huge penis and slot for cigarettes in its mouth who punishes the miners if Bolivian women enter his abode. Then we exploded some dynamite.

Soon we arrived in Uyuni and began a tour of the flats in a sweet Lexus jeep with new English and Irish friends Becky, El Luco, and Niamh. We rode through three days of incredible landscapes ranging from cacti-filled desert islands to green, red, and pink (from the thousands of flamingoes) lakes to 5000 meter high views of multicolored rolling hills and valleys. Most stunning were the flats themselves, plains of white salt extending as far as the eye could see and allowing for pictures that boggle the eye with their perspective. Beni and I also took a few with our new mascot, the (singing) dog of the La Paz Strongest (the oddly named local futbol team). We generally wear our Strongest wristbands to match.

Though I've continued to practice Spanish, Beni and I find ourselves often learning new English dialects as well. For instance, "your man" in Ireland could not refer to your buddy but could be a serial killer. Or the dude at the Hertz office. We're often not sure which one. "Piss" probably takes the prize for versatility. If I jest to an Irishman, "Your economy sucks because your biggest bank is about to be nationalized [we found this out before the news because Niamh works at the bank]," then I am 'taking the piss out of him.' Alternatively, if I sarcastically follow with, "Don't worry, I'm sure taxes won't have to rise to impossible rates," then I am 'ripping the piss out of him.' If we decided to get drunk to forget about the problem, we 'go on the piss' and I can expect him to 'get pissed' because many Irishmen and women are 'pissheads,' but I hope he doesn't get 'angry pissed' and begin throwing Guinness bottles around the pub. But if I have to urinate? According to Niamh, "Eewww, I would never say ´take a piss.' That's just disgusting."

Next was Tupiza, where we silenced a (nearly empty) karaoke bar with a Spanish rendition of Hotel California on our first night; the next day we followed in the horse prints of Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid's last stand near the southern border of Bolivia with our own cowboy hats and leather riding crops. Sensing my love of galloping, the leader gave me Speedy Gonzalez to ride and we took off at every opportunity. Andeley! Andeley! My knee only went up another horse's butt once.

Check back soon for Steak and Wine - Nico and Beni do Salta and Mendoza.